My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
