I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
