We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
