he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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