It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
