I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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