Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
