The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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