Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
