I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
