i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
