Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
