just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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