I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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