wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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