So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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