I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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