he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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