Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
