What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
