Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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