forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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