Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
