I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize