I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
