guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
