Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
