You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
