i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
