talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize