did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize