I will die if light touches me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
