The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
