There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
