we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
