I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
