therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
