My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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