Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
