So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
