So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
