I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I look excited, but its just a facade.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
