We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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