It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
