nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Randomize
