i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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