how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
