You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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