he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
