fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
