im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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