I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
