What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
that's an acceptable place to lick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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