is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
