...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
