He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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