I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
