bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
