I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
