White coat. Heels.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
