I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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