You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize