Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
