when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
