We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
